I wrote an email this week to an advocate who was asking for peoples’ tips when heading to central London with neurodivergent kids which they could share on a BBC Radio London interview. As a parent to autistic kids and someone who works with neurodivergent kids and adults, as well as being ADHD and therefore prone to sensory overwhelm myself I thought I might be able to help.

I thought I’d share the email with you as it’s easy to forget how hard it is sometimes and that actually we’ve gained some good knowledge over the years that might help others.

Point 1 - Fun things are supposed to be fun, try to keep the holidays full of rest days for everyone and even more rest days for those who are more introverted. It’s hard when you have different kids (and adults) with drastically different ideas of how much is too much, but keep visits and outtings short and with big spaces in between. There’s no point spending money and dragging people around. It’s so frustrating as a parent and exhausting for everyone.

Item B - Antiperfection, it’s hard to work like you’re not a parent and parent like you’re not working. We’re expected to do too much and pretend it’s easy. It’s an even harder balance when the kids need more from you than others might. Some things will go wrong, there will be a few (or several) crashing disasters. Keep talking to your kids at the end of the day or when everyone is calm and plan how things could go better next time for everyone.

Numero tres - Most loved things, you all know what your kids are absolutely joyously obsessed by right now. Do something involving that. For us in London it’s the natural history museum. I love that there’s lots of toilet access, there’s a cafe, there are often special exhibits and interactive events related to things we love, it’s an easy win. Keep it shorter than you might like and plan an easy trip straight home at the end for when everyone is frazzled. 

4 - The London Eye is actually great for a regulation break if you can manage it without queueing because it’s slow and quiet. Only do it if everyone wants to because once you’re in, you’re in. Use a screen or audiobook for anyone with a short attention span.

Finalmente - If your family is anything like mine we can handle tired OR hungry OR overstimulated, and if any of those occur at the same time it’s a Gremlin type situation and things go downhill really fast. I keep a rucksack absolutely stuffed with safe foods and snacks even when there is a cafe where we’re going because the odds of the food being ‘wrong’, or delivered slow, or everyone needing feeding at completely different times are high. By feeding everyone as we walk around I keep everyone’s batteries topped up as much as possible. Some places don’t allow your own food - I don’t care, this is an accessibility issue. We will still order food, at least for me, and drinks for the kids if they have the right ones, but I’m not ordering food for the kids if they won’t eat it. We’ll be able to stay longer if the kids are fuelled and I get to order myself a generous lunch to justify the use of the cafe table, I’ll even have time to eat it if they have snacks and a film on a tablet. I will also feed them corn crackers and dried fruit snacks as we walk around and I don’t care who says we’re not supposed to. 

P.S. On that note, tablets. Don’t be scared to use screens to regulate whoever needs it as you go. I’ve of my kids will enjoy the whole day more if they can listen to audiobooks throughout. Get them onto the cafe table and anyone ignore anyone else, you’re helping your family regulate at halftime so you can enjoy the centre again or make it home.